We’ve all been there. A leader says something that lands with the grace of a mudslide.
Recently someone shared this line with me:
“We don’t need critical thinking skills. We need them to be duplicative engineers.”
It’s the kind of sentence that can ignite every alarm bell in our nervous system. Our breath shortens. Shoulders rise. The wolf of fear or frustration starts pacing. And just like that, we’re pulled into meaning-making, sometimes without realizing that we have a choice.
This is one of those moments.
The First Reaction: The Triggered Brain Takes the Wheel
When a comment feels dismissive, reductive, or misaligned with our values, our brain does what human brains do: it protects.
It fills in gaps with the worst-case scenario. It spins stories fast, stories that often have little to do with what was actually said and everything to do with what the moment awakened in us.
A leader’s poorly phrased comment may not be the crisis, but the interpretation we attach to it, can become one.
What This Statement Could Mean…before we feed the wolf
There are many possible interpretations of a comment like “we need duplicative engineers.” Some are benign, others troubling:
- A desire for consistency, not creativity
- Pressure to execute quickly, not reimagine
- A misunderstanding of what engineers actually do
- A preference for compliance over curiosity
- A culture where critical thinking is perceived as “slowing things down”
And yes, there’s a darker interpretation too, one where leaders treat people as interchangeable parts instead of human beings with judgment, agency, and insight.
But in the Cherokee legend of the two wolves—one representing fear, one representing possibility—we know that the wolf who wins is the one we choose to feed.
So before feeding the wolf of mistrust or frustration, we pause.
The Pause: Our Leadership Reset
When ambiguity hits, the first and most powerful act is to pause and breathe—to reclaim our brain before judgment rushes in.
In that pause, we create the space to ask ourselves:
- What exactly am I reacting to?
- The words? The tone? The history? My own assumptions?
- What wolf am I feeding right now—the one that protects my fear or the one that strengthens my leadership?
- What else might this leader have meant if I strip away the emotional charge?
This pause is not passive. It’s leadership in motion.
Choosing a Better Story: To Expand, Not Limit
Once we’ve paused, breathed, and grounded ourselves, we can choose a more constructive narrative:
- “Maybe they meant repeatable processes.”
- “Maybe they’re under pressure and not articulating well.”
- “Maybe this is an opportunity to coach upward, not shut down.”
This doesn’t mean we ignore red flags. It means we don’t confuse our fastest interpretation with the truest one.
How to Stop Going with the Worst Story
1. Ground Yourself
Ask: What about this comment is rattling me?
Name the trigger so it stops hijacking you.
2. Breathe to Reclaim Your Thinking
Slow the nervous system. Your clearest interpretations never come from shallow breathing. As you exhale make the choice to explore what is really going on.
3. Ride the Emotional Wave Instead of Drowning in It
Feel the reaction, don’t suppress it, but let it move through. Feelings seep through the cracks when we try to suppress them. People will be able to tell you are suppressing something – tone, micro-expressions, unintended sigh. Instead, as you exhale, let the feeling flow through your body as you name it (anxiety, fear, incredulity!). That instant invisible release of energy gives you the pause to regroup and close the cracks.
4. Capture the Heat of the Moment Without Getting Burned
Convert energy into clarity, curiosity, or a courageous question. This is the moment when you can show resilient, courageous leadership and feed the wolf of possibility.
5. Step Into Curiosity, Not Assumption
Ask:
- “Can you say more about what you mean by duplicative?”
- “Is the need consistency, speed, or something else?”
- “How does this fit into the bigger picture you’re seeing?”
- “What are the outcomes we want? How do can these duplicative engineers help us get there?”
Curiosity opens doors. Assumption slams them. Some other “curious” steps you can try:
- Reflect Their Words Back for Clarity
Sometimes people don’t realize how their phrasing lands until they hear it mirrored.
“Here’s what I heard—does that match what you meant?”
This creates immediate alignment without judgment. - Ask for a Concrete Example
Specific examples dissolve vague fears.
“What would duplicative look like in practice?”
You shift from abstract interpretation to shared understanding. - Separate Intent From Impact
Acknowledge possible intent while naming what the impact could be.
“I imagine you’re aiming for consistency. The phrasing, though, might signal something else. Can we discuss that?” - Explore the Pressure or Constraint Beneath the Comment
Clumsy statements often mask urgency, fear, or overwhelm.
“What challenge are you trying to solve for?”
This turns the moment from reactive to collaborative. - Suggest a Small, Forward-Moving Step
Anchor the conversation in alignment.
“Would it help if we defined what quality and consistency look like so the team has clarity?”
Purposeful clarification prevents future misinterpretation.
Leadership Is the Art of Choosing What Story to Tell—First and foremost to Ourselves
At the end of the day, comments like “we don’t need critical thinking” aren’t just moments to interpret.
They’re moments that reveal our own leadership practice:
- Do we default to fear or possibility?
- Do we amplify confusion or clarity?
- Do we react from old wounds or respond from our best self?
- Do we feed the wolf that drains us—or the one that strengthens our impact?
Resilience is not the absence of struggle—it’s the presence of choice. Interpreting another leader’s clumsy words is yet another moment to practice that choice.