“What should I say? I don’t have a poker face! How should I act?”
We’re hearing this more and more in coaching conversations. The pressure is constant. The pace of change is dizzying. And for leaders at all levels, the instinct to stay in control—to look confident, clear, and invincible—runs deep.
But what if that instinct is exactly what’s holding you and your team back?
Facing The Overwhelm
Let’s name it: The Overwhelm is real.
It’s that feeling of being buried under shifting priorities, constant ambiguity, and expectations you’re not even sure are realistic. It shows up as exhaustion, second-guessing, and a never-ending chase for the “right” answer. And it doesn’t just live in your inbox—it lives in your body.
In leadership roles, we’re wired to produce. “Set the direction. Lead the people. Deliver results” Sound familiar?
But here’s the truth: In today’s environment—defined by complexity, interconnectedness, and uncertainty—a control mindset doesn’t scale. Daniel Goleman calls this the coercive style of leadership: top-down, highly directive. It can help in a crisis. But over time, it burns people out and drains engagement.
You can’t fly the plane and build it at the same time. And yet, that’s exactly what complexity often demands.
What If Control Isn’t the Answer?
Enter the Cynefin Framework by Dave Snowden. It helps us distinguish between the complicated (where there’s a knowable answer) and the complex (where the path only becomes clear in hindsight). In complex settings, we can’t “figure it out” in advance. Instead, we have to probe, sense, and respond.
That means experimentation. It means adaptation. It means letting go of the myth that leaders have to know everything.
The cost of trying to be invincible? Disconnection. Burnout. And a team that waits to be told what to do—rather than one that leans in, speaks up, and takes ownership.
Complexity Demands Curiosity
There’s real freedom in admitting, “I don’t know, yet” It creates space for learning and truth-telling.
Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset reminds us that curiosity beats certainty when it comes to innovation and performance. Amy Edmondson’s research on psychological safety shows that teams thrive when it’s safe to take risks, make mistakes, and learn out loud.
In complexity, the leader’s role isn’t to control. It’s to create the conditions for shared learning.
So what does that look like in practice?
Three Moves for Leading as an Explorer
- Probe with safe-to-fail experiments
- What’s a small, bold move we haven’t dared to try?
- If failure wasn’t a risk, what would we test right now?
- What assumption could we challenge today with a tiny experiment?
- Observe what’s emerging
- What patterns are showing up that we didn’t expect?
- Where are we rushing past the learning? What would it take to slow down?
- Who’s making sense of what’s happening—and who’s missing from that conversation?
- Amplify what’s working
- What’s the story we’re telling about what’s going well—and how is it landing?
- Who else needs to be part of this learning?
- How do we turn insight into sharedpractice—not just shared knowledge?
From “I” to “We”
If you’re used to a directive style, these moves can feel frustrating.
You might ask: “Where are the quick wins? How does slowing down help?”
But here’s the paradox: when leaders try to control complexity, teams either comply—or check out. The effort slows down. Frustration grows. And The Overwhelm gets worse.
In our coaching sessions, we hear what team members really crave:
- Honest conversation about what’s really going on
- A sense that “we’re in this together”
- Permission to experiment (and fail)
- Real-time feedback that helps them course-correct
- A leader who isn’t trying to “have all the answers,” but who’s willing to learn alongside them
That last one? It’s a game-changer.
Lead as an Explorer
Letting go of control doesn’t mean letting go of responsibility. It means shifting from being the hero to being the host of the learning.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You do need to create the space for better questions.
When you lean into complexity with curiosity and courage, your team will follow.
Because leadership isn’t about being invincible. It’s about being human. And in complexity, humanity is your greatest asset.
So… do you have the courage to lead as an explorer?
References
– Goleman, D. (2000). Leadership That Gets Results. Harvard Business Review.
– Snowden, D. J., & Boone, M. E. (2007). A Leader’s Framework for Decision Making. Harvard Business Review.
– Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams. Administrative Science Quarterly.
– Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.